Erica Lynn and her husband, Billy, joined my family in Cozumel, Mexico. We survived. This is our story.
Are you familiar with the ever dangerous all-inclusive? Four nights in a tropical paradise–all the food, alcohol, and fun in the sun you can handle? Sounds awesome, right?
BEWARE. It can hurt you.
It was a rainy day in Cozumel when our van pulled up to the resort. We didn’t care. We were greeted by iguanas and flamingos and bartenders.
We were too late for the pool (they close at 6-ish for GOOD reason–although at the time we were somewhat disappointed) so we opted for dinner–which was fantastic, BTW. It was a buffet. A HUGE buffet. You know, I’ve read several reviews online. WTF are people talking about saying the food is whatever? This isn’t the Four Seasons. It was a $600 per person package. ALL INCLUSIVE (flight too). It was awesome! There were french fries! *rolls eyes*
After dinner, these places do some kind of nightly variety show. They’re usually pretty lame and we rarely go, but I’d heard good things and…Orlando. (He’s part of the entertainment staff and he’s very pretty. Right Erica?)
So, when did all-inclusives start doing Cirque Du Soleil? They did some seriously bad ass productions. The first night was horror themed, complete with musical renditions of Thriller, Rocky Horror, Phantom of the Opera, and The Ring.
The second night was The Beatles Show and it was even better. I think I cried through Hey Jude.
The 3rd night…needed some work, but I was told I REALLY enjoyed the 4th night! (I was celebrating my birthday and can’t be too sure). I did see pics, though, so I know I danced. A LOT. With…Orlando (yeah, I deleted those).
And this part really shocked me. The drinks were fantastic. Usually at these places, the beer is skunky, the wine is a no-go, the cocktails are watery, and your choices are limited. This place had Campari. CAMPARI. I was in heaven. But now I’m pretty sure I’m never drinking Campari again.
In addition to eating and drinking everything in sight, we swam with barracuda and stingrays (not on purpose), snorkeled, and shopped for “high quality junk.”
The resort we went to was the Iberostar Cozumel. I’ve been to several (different brands) and this one is hands down the best so far. I can’t vouch for Iberostars in other locations, but I imagine they’re similar. Great drinks, great food, killer entertainment…Orlando. The rooms are so-so, but who cares? Again, not the Four Seasons. This particular beach doesn’t have a “sandy” entrance (it’s rocky), but you can get in at the pier (where it is sandy).
Here are some tips if you are considering tackling one of these unassumingly dangerous vacations:
1. Don’t drink ALL of the drinks. Take my word for this, I tried.
2. Eat something leafy and green at least once.
3. French fries should not be consumed four times in one day.
4. Stay away from the Cantina. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t close.
5. Mudslides are yummy.
6. Don’t sleepwalk to the pier at 1 am, strip down to your skivves, and forget to put them back on before walking back to your room.
7. If you happen to do #6, try not to leave your wallet.
8. Don’t put creamy sunblock on wet skin.
9. Tequila is not your friend.
10. And contrary to what you might think after 57 shots of tequila, neither is Orlando.
Thanks for going with me Erica!! I can’t wait for next time!